What Momma Never Told You About Underthings

This may be a little TMI…but seriously…I need some advice from my fellow womenfolk.

In my ever present attempt to be a lady instead of a slob, I found the cutest Ralph Lauren dress on clearance the other day and snatched it up.  Per some of my other purchases, the fact that it fit in a size 18W made it an automatic buy.  Any rate, it’s cute and has that kind of stick to ya material that is really nice to dress up or down, so I figured it would make a cute addition to the wardrobe for a mean $23.

And because I thought it was so cut and not expensive, I am wearing it today   I put it on with a pair of regular undies (instead of my super dooper hold em in high ones) and my bra with long bottom that is supposed to hold all the stomach in.  I may have lost some weight, but I haven’t lost it all, and some assistance was needed.  Now, I’ve never worn this long bottom (someone please tell me what the right name for this thing is…it has no hooks…just like a tank top with a bra top that is tight), but it seemed to fit just fine.  And I bought it quite a few lbs ago – so no reason it wouldn’t fit today, right?

After wearing this thing now for 3.5 hours, I want to take it off and run over it with my car.  It’s doing that roll thing.  Now, I know someone is going to say that the roll thing means it’s too small.  Well then, how are these things supposed to fit b/c the size up was so big it was loose on me.  I didn’t need a loose fit, I need something that was going to hold it together.  Is this b/c it’s a one piece (no snaps) or just this design?  Is this why women 50 years ago wore those belts and whistles every day – to hold this crap down to the waist?  Is this why I don’t wear dresses?

I have another one, it’s just supposed to go over the stomach and you wear your own regular underwear with it.  I haven’t worn that one yet, but is that the one that is supposed to work?  And how do you try these things on…because it works fine for a while, it’s not until you wear it for sometime that it just does not work anymore.

Help me…before I literally go to target and wrap myself in ace bandage under this dress because that’s how bad this is today….