So what’s a girl to do?

Well for one, she should do the opposite of what she usually does when life happens.  I usually panic, freak out, assume I’m now 20 lbs heavier and a failure and then spend 4 days kicking myself in the butt before going hardcore again.  But now, now that I’m really trying to make health a lifestyle and not a diet, I’m doing something totally different.  This time I:

1. Took an extra rest day because my weekend left me with a completely empty tank and in desperate need of sleep.  So I slept in on Monday and enjoyed that extra sweet hour of sleep.
2. I didn’t force it on Monday.  I drank more water, but I also indulged my need for caffeine and a little more grease.  I actually think that I spent Sunday still quasi drunk – which is why my hangover was super delayed.  The joys of getting old – you cannot party like a rockstar.  At least I can’t. Then I laid around the house all night feeling like crap still.
3. Woke up today and worked out.  Nothing extreme.  Instead of Fire 55, which was on the schedule, I did Fire 45 which is one of my favorite workout DVDs ever.  Sometimes when you need motivation, don’t go for stupidly hardcore, go for something you actually want to do.
4. After my awesome sweat session, had my vitamins and a protein shake.  Packed a healthy day of food for work and headed out the door.  My body feels ready to get back on track today, so I’m giving it what it wants – clean healthy protein and whole grain carbs.  And some veggies because well – I need them

And while that sounds obvious – duh – that is NOT what I have ever done before.  I’ve never recovered this great from a weekend of doing nothing I’m supposed to do healthwise.  I’ve always done the freak out and wasted a week or two in shame.  Then turned it on SO hard core that it was not maintainable for the long run.  I know I’m not the only person who suffers from this kind of guilt because I have a lot of friends I talk to who do the same thing.

But the thing is, if being healthy is a lifestyle, you have to start learning to deal with the “life” part of it.  There will be parties, girls weekends, tired weekends, and days where you just want a freaking Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich.  And in order to be someone who maintains their diet – you can’t just say I’m never eating (enter food here) or i’m going to always exercise (enter days of week here) for the rest of my life.  Because that all or nothing mentality is how we set ourselves up for failure.  Instead of striving for perfection, we have to learn to strive for maintainable peace.

I’m not saying I have it done and I’m “cured” of my diet tendencies – is one ever?  But I am saying I’m damn proud that for once, I did the right thing.  And I’m hoping that I can remember how good it feels to not freak out over it so the next time life happens – I can do the right thing again.

In my ever present attempt to be a lady instead of a slob, I found the cutest Ralph Lauren dress on clearance the other day and snatched it up.  Per some of my other purchases, the fact that it fit in a size 18W made it an automatic buy.  Any rate, it’s cute and has that kind of stick to ya material that is really nice to dress up or down, so I figured it would make a cute addition to the wardrobe for a mean $23.

And because I thought it was so cut and not expensive, I am wearing it today   I put it on with a pair of regular undies (instead of my super dooper hold em in high ones) and my bra with long bottom that is supposed to hold all the stomach in.  I may have lost some weight, but I haven’t lost it all, and some assistance was needed.  Now, I’ve never worn this long bottom (someone please tell me what the right name for this thing is…it has no hooks…just like a tank top with a bra top that is tight), but it seemed to fit just fine.  And I bought it quite a few lbs ago – so no reason it wouldn’t fit today, right?

After wearing this thing now for 3.5 hours, I want to take it off and run over it with my car.  It’s doing that roll thing.  Now, I know someone is going to say that the roll thing means it’s too small.  Well then, how are these things supposed to fit b/c the size up was so big it was loose on me.  I didn’t need a loose fit, I need something that was going to hold it together.  Is this b/c it’s a one piece (no snaps) or just this design?  Is this why women 50 years ago wore those belts and whistles every day – to hold this crap down to the waist?  Is this why I don’t wear dresses?

I have another one, it’s just supposed to go over the stomach and you wear your own regular underwear with it.  I haven’t worn that one yet, but is that the one that is supposed to work?  And how do you try these things on…because it works fine for a while, it’s not until you wear it for sometime that it just does not work anymore.

Help me…before I literally go to target and wrap myself in ace bandage under this dress because that’s how bad this is today….

No worries though, progress is about small steps.  Weight loss, getting healthy, being a better person – all things that need to be done in small steps.  And I have thought long and hard about getting myself together every day this week – a small miracle.  Today, I’m even wearing heels!  Not heels that a Kardashian sister would approve of, but little 1.5 inch kitten heels that are blue and match my shirt.  That’s a huge thing for me and my wear black shoes every day no matter the occasion self.  I also have been wearing earrings and a necklace most days.  Sometimes even bracelets!

I think the most important, most wonderful thing about these changes are that I still feel like Kim.  I’ve done nothing that is so uncomfortable that I feel like it’s not sustainable.  I do try to do at least my eyebrows and lip gloss/color every day.  At least for now to build up the habit of putting on a little makeup.  But again, nothing so far has felt like it’s an act or that I’m putting on airs that I can’t maintain.  I think this is how I can make this stick.

And another major accomplishment – I found cute clothes to travel in that were COMFORTABLE!!!  Not that flying home is a long flight (it’s literally an hour from take off to landing), but still, it’s a time for sleeping, so I like to be comfy.  I wore jeans, but jazzed up the outfit with cute flats and shoes.  And of course, some cute earrings (small) and a jacket to sleep in/on

What tips do you have to be fashionable and classy instead of sloppy – while staying comfortable and true to you?

Now, I do dress fairly smartly to work.  Most days.  When I wake up on time.  And do my hair.  And don’t throw on whatever.  I actually made the effort to buy a few new items in my new size (20W biotches….I’m seriously contemplating having a bonfire with my size 26s…but that’s for a different post I suppose) so I don’t look like I’m wearing somebody else’s clothes.  But anyway, for sure when I’m not working and just relaxing that I tend to let my inner couch surfing slob come out.

This post is a not so gentle reminder that you know what – we are worth the time.  She’s not talking about spending hundreds of dollars on new fancy stuff.  But working what you have and if you don’t have anything but sweats…maybe investing a little on some inexpensive upgrades (she’s talking Target people…totally doable).   And it’s the little things.  Throw on a cute tee with some jeans that actually fit with a fabulous shoe and bag – and  you look like  you took hours instead of minutes.  Accessorizing is the key to looking put together and you can collect cool accessories for most anywhere.  I definitely have some that cost a lot, some that cost a little, and some that were handmade.  It’s all about just the time.  The post on Live Fit and Sore was inspired by a post Piperlime put on their facebook with this image:

Now as a fan of the 50s and 60s…(I’d love if Mode Merr would give my closet a makeover!)…a time where ladies really looked fabulous every day – how can I argue with that?? So I’m taking myself on a personal challenge that for the next 30 days, I will make a pledge to dress nicely every day.  I don’t mean expensively or in dresses or anything.  Just put some thought into my clothing, leave the sweatpants/t-shirt/old flops combo at home, and maybe spend my last bit of time as a non-married woman looking like I give a shit about myself.   Maybe use some eyeliner and wear my freaking contacts instead of the glasses which I really don’t necessarily think look all that great on me…but they are easy and I’m lazy.   I think I can do it…anyone in to join me?  I may actually try to post some photos just so there is an external force witnessing me trying to act like an effing lady lol.

It’s sad in the era of tv shows like Bridzillas and Say Yes to the Dress, where people talk about how crazy some of these brides are, that us non-senile brides get looks of amazement.  I have had a few friends say I’m not stressed enough over this.  My mom thinks I’m not stressed enough over this.  Then to make matters worse, when people feel you aren’t stressed enough, they shoot random questions at me with the intention of making me feel like I must have forgotten something, so I should get stressed NOW!  And when I laugh it off (or in one case told the person that if it really was that dire, I’d love it if they would donate the item that they said I have to have because we simply didn’t care enough to budget for it…imagine how quickly that conversation ended ) then they say I don’t care.  It makes me sad, not stressed, that this is what it feels like to be a bride in America.

Let’s be honest people – to get married,  you need an officiant, 2 witnesses, a marriage license, and a happy couple.  That’s it.  You don’t need cake or brooms or bridesmaids or even a reception.  You don’t need to turn into a nutso bride and you don’t need assistance in going crazy if you are a sane bride.

In my time as an engaged woman (a looong time, LOL), I’ve found a few blogs that I wanted to share today.  Blogs of people who like me, are sane brides.  People who value the marriage and realize that the wedding is a party – so let’s just freaking have a good time!  Doesn’t mean that us practical sane brides don’t want it to be fun and want to look great – we just realize that well…it’s not about the little things..it’s about the biggest thing – the marriage.

Meg from A Practical Wedding

Sara from 2000 Dollar Budget Wedding

And one of my favorite all time sites, Offbeat Bride.  Because really – you gotta do you.  Everyday.  All day.

So in theory…let’s get ready to party people.  About 6 weeks until it goes down…and I hope all my lovely invited guests are ready for something that is 100% me and the future hubs, which is how it should be, yes?

The only downside is that they are really light (it seems anyway) on the strength training,  so I will be mixing in some weight lifting/body weight exercises.  Probably 2x a week.  I know I needed a better cardio program to help burn the calories, but I know from experience that I need to do strength training in order to really see my body change.  I’m not sure how to mix it all together yet, but I’m working on it.  It’s really hard to get to the gym during the week, but I think one night a week I can make it work.

I’m also using the beachbody site (the free version – not the paid membership version) to track my workouts.  I’m going to play around on there because they have some way to combine workout programs I think.  That would be nice if they could develop a program like that.  We will see.  I’m kind of annoyed with the site though….there seems to be 2 or 3 ways to track a workout and they all don’t register the same.  Maybe it’s just me though – it is only the 2nd day I’ve tried to track a workout.

Anyway, enough workout talk.  After work tonight I have a big goal of completing our wedding invitations!  They are printed and I’m in the assembly phase.  Let’s just say that  Goo Gone was my friend this morning…

Other than that, my other struggle is lack of motivation.  It’s been HOT here – over 90 degrees almost every day.  Let me tell you – that does nothing for exercising.  When you leave at 5:45AM for bootcamp and it’s already 86 degrees, that is a serious problem.  As a result, I’ve seen my exercise level drop off dramatically – the weather and my pile of projects have both been great excuses to sit and eat bon bons and catch up on seasons of tv (hello my new obsession Mad Men).  Okay I wasn’t eating bon bons…but I did watch all 3 seasons of Mad Men in the last month and a half because I like television.  The other thing – I’m bored.  I love my trainer Lindsey and her programs are killer and they work.  But I’m bored with them.  I need something new.  This happens to every few months so I’m not surprised, but I should be prepared, eh?  I wasn’t and I hit the wall hard.  So I recently ordered Turbo Fire, Beachbody’s newest program from my most favorite trainer ever – Chalene Johnson.  It should be here any day now and I can’t wait to get started.

Alright, that’s all from me for now.  Just be prepared for some awesome things in the future

In the lb department, I was down only 2 lbs for the month.  Not the big number I was hoping for, but considering I started the month on antibiotics and was ridiculously busy/traveling, I’ll take it.  Any downward movement.  Down is better than up, even if it’s a small down.

In general, I know I could have done a lot more this month, but it was a big struggle for me.  I could have worked more/harder, but I think I learned a lot.  Learned how to make the plan work for me.  Learned how to get up at o’dark thirty to make sure the workouts got done and learned to say no and call a friend when I’m feeling weak.  It was a good month for progress mentally…which is good for future progress physically.

My goals for June are to exercise a little more consistently (4-5 days every week), get my sleep in every night (7.5 hours), and really make some progress on my upper body.  With only 4 months til the wedding, I’d like to start getting my arms together for the strapless (what the hell was I thinking??) dress that I’m wearing.  Time to hit the weights!!

I’ve always struggled with my weight, it’s just always been an issue, starting with an ankle injury in middle school.  Super active Kim had to settle it down and at the same time, puberty hit.  That started my weight struggle.  In high school, I started my first real diet  program,Weight Watchers, and the diet cycle began!  For years I had minimal successes followed by massive collapses trying to use the program to lose weight.  It worked for me but only to a point where I would get some of the weight off, but still struggle to reach my actual goals.

After a while of trusting the WW program, I realized that I needed to try something else and that’s when my world was rocked.  I realized that in my years of trying to diet, I never really learned about nutrition.  I was just eating the foods with the lowest point values possible so I could keep up the food quantities, but never really worried about quality.  The core program on WW tries to address some of these missing items in the WW flex point program, but IMO it really never worked for me because I never had a leader who knew enough about nutrition to teach me how to use it properly.

So  anyway, I’ve spent the last few years really learning about nutrition on my own.  Experimented with lots of whole food/real food programs and am finally getting it.  I’m finally learning how to eat regular food, not diet food, and lose weight.  I have a nutritionist now (sadly, I’ll only be saying that for a few more weeks before my time with him is up) and he’s really gotten me in the right mode of eating real food.  I do have protein shakes, which = not real food, but that’s mainly because of my desire to pretend I’m a real athlete and exercise like a nutcase at times.

The point of this back story – this is why the man has decided to put his food decisions in my quasi-capable hands.  I’ve become fairly smart with nutrition over the years.  I created a meal plan for him and he’s now eating much more real food than he ate when his meals were mainly processed and he’s enjoying it.  This was the first week on the plan so we are working out the bugs, but I’m very excited.  For one, we were BOTH cooking our own lunches and dinners (I was really committed to getting healthy, he wasn’t at the time) and two, now the amount of unhealthy things in the house (goodbye the constant cookie jar of Oreos) will decrease.  We are now doing this healthy thing together – which will make it easier.  Last night, we discussed our plans for the two bbqs we are attending this weekend and how we would stick together to make good decisions.  And he’s been giving me requests as to what kinds of things he would like to see changed or foods he really wants to try to work in there somehow so I can work on making the program something he can really live with.  We talked about cheating and the difference between a splurge (having 1-2 things that aren’t really considered healthy) and cheating (plan, what plan? ).  We are bonding during this, something I never expected.

Today is his first weigh in and I’m more giddy than he is.  I cannot wait to see how it goes.  I’m dying to know if I’ve done a good job with his eating program.  And I’m hoping that he finds joy in the success to give him motivation to stick with it.  Not just for him, but for us and how good this is for us.

All this came to my mind last week.  I was in Ohio for work (yuck…really…I’m a Michigan girl and they just keep making me go to Ohio!) and realized that I was not taking care of business like I needed.  I wasn’t taking care of #1, which was making my attention to everything else a little less than it should.  So while I was out of town, I made a major decision – I was going to join the ranks of the AM exercisers.

This is drastic people.  This means bed by 10pm and up at 5:30am.  This means shutting it down and telling the man that even though he’ll be up another 4-5 hours, I’m going to sleep.  It means cutting off the tv and computer and just hitting the hay.  This is a MAJOR EFFORT, but I knew I’d get MAJOR RESULTS from it.

So I started on Monday night.  I set alarms on my phone for 10pm (go to bed NOW!) and 5:30am (get up and move it!!).  I talked to the man about it.  And I set forth.  It’s rocking my world, but so far, I’ve gotten up every day and I’ve worked out every morning and I feel good.  I absolutely love having my evenings free to do whatever I want with and know that the workout is already done.  I love that when the man gets home, I don’t have to slug to the gym and back before we even talk.  I have time and energy for chores in the evening, wedding planning, and all the other things I need to do.  It’s been hard, but it’s been great.  It means that I actually have gained time that I didn’t even know I had, which is 100% fabulous.

This post somewhat explains why I haven’t been around.  That paired with a sick computer (my comp was at the genius bar for a whole WEEK!!) and you can see where my internet time went.  But I have lots of stuff to talk about so I’ll be posting more